Monday, December 3, 2012

One Dom's Outlook

As I may have mentioned before, BD is absolutely wonderful.  As my Dom and as a person in general.

Therefore, I thought perhaps having his outlook on our Dom/sub relationship would be a great addition to my blog.

Excerpt from my BD:

"I love how proud you are to wear my collar.  And while I don't think that totally defines us, I really enjoy the larger part of our relationship that it has come to encompass.  As always, I want to stress to you that I do not love you because you are submissive (well, not just because you are, anyway), but it does seem to fit that missing puzzle piece I never knew I needed perfectly.  I want you to always know that I respect and appreciate what a huge gift your submission is to me.  Those poor vanilla people who can't understand how beautiful and symbiotic our arrangement is are the unnatural ones.  

Look at the divorce rate today where "equal partnership" dynamics are the "normal relationship."  Compare it to the 50's or earlier when, pardon my turn of phrase but, women knew their place.  Women's lib is a wonderful concept, but it's robbed women of their place.  Very few are strong enough to take back their role as homemaker, much less to become a true submissive.  People mistakenly think a Dominant doesn't respect his submissive?  Hell, a true Dominant is in awe of the strength and power his submissive must have to be able to submit.  It's not an abundance nor lack of strength that determines which position a person feels best in occupying, it's the direction of the strength.  A Dominant is outwardly strong and can comfortably assert his or her strength, while a submissive is more at ease directing their strength towards enduring and sustaining to overcome any obstacles in their path.  

It's like a river versus a stone.  The river sweeps away anything in its path, eroding new paths and destroying everything it touches.  The stone sits silent and unmoving, unable to change its situation or find a new one.  Yet when the river meets the stone, the river washes away all the dirt and debris holding the stone down and washes it to where it fits perfectly.  In return, the stability of the stone gives focus and direction to the river.  Both become more together than they ever could have been apart.  

It may be somewhat chauvinistic, but it is the natural order.  There is only room for one leader in any relationship.  The P.C. bullshit about "equal partners" is a man-made construct that, try as they might, cannot find a place in the natural order.  And no, I do not believe that all men are Doms or that all women are subs, or that a male sub or female Dom is abnormal in any way; but any way you cut it, male top or female top, one or the other must have a counterpart.  Two tops would just fight over whose direction to take at every decision.  Two bottoms would feel directionless.  Regardless of gender, hetero or homo, that is the involatile dynamic."

So, as I have said before, BD would laugh at the thought that he does not respect me due to our roles.  WE are equal, but our roles themselves cannot be equal because of the differences in our roles.  Mint growing in a chef's garden cannot be considered equal to an ivy growing in a flower garden, because, while they are both plants, they are too different from each other for there to be any kind of comparison that comes out equal or unequal.  They are each unique and useful in their own way, neither being better or worse than the other because they are not interchangeable.  While you would never put some mint in your garden and expect it to grow up your trellis, I sure wouldn't advise you to put ivy in your chocolate pie, either!

Cassaundra (with a collar!)


  1. I clicked on this blog from a comment you made on the Literotica boards. It's wonderful that you two have a great relationship, but please don't try to tell me that feminism has robbed women of "their place"--especially since you think their place is under their husbands' heel/belt. Women in the past were often forced to stay in miserable marriages to abusive men because the women had no other choice. Feminism led to greater opportunities for women--we are more educated and independent, better able to provide for ourselves and our kids. Not every woman has a submissive nature or wants to be a homemaker. There is nothing wrong with being either of those things--the backlash against stay-at-home wives/moms that happened in the early days of feminism was a bad thing. But please don't try to lump all women into the same submissive box--it just doesn't fly.

    1. Let me say that, although I disagree with what you have to say AND the fact that you posted anonymously, I still wholeheartedly support your right to say it and to believe it. I thank you for taking the time to comment. I do, however, wish you had done so using your name so that I would know who I am speaking to.

      Let me first address your comment that I "think [a woman's] place is under their husband's heel/belt." I am fairly new to this blog, so I don't have a whole lot posted, so I was able to go back and re-read every word I have written. Nowhere does it state that I believe that, which makes a lot of sense because I don't. I believe that a woman's place is wherever she is comfortable, happy, fulfilled, and loved. You seem to have missed the whole point of this post, because it very largely emphasizes the love and respect BD has for me as a person and as his mate.

      Secondly, I agree very much that feminism has done a lot of good for a lot of women, but it has also made women afraid of ridicule if what they want is what their grandparents had...a simple life with their spouse working outside the home while they take care of them from inside it. I believe that the ability to be educated is one of the most highly prized rights women have...I myself have a college degree and am working on a second. I have worked outside the home for a number of years, supporting myself and others on my salary, paying bills, "bringing home the bacon", as it were. My mother was one of the women you speak of who stayed with an abusive man because of a lack of choices, and her lack of choices encouraged me to insure that I would never be in that position myself.

      I am not trying to "lump all women into the same submissive box", and neither is BD. By stating that feminism has robbed women of their place, he is simply saying that feminism thrusts upon women the same "lack of choice" that you mentioned. It is simply that now women are forced into being the breadwinners, the Alpha Female, the ball-buster, because feminism has "given" us all the right to do that, along with the expectation that that is what we should want and something is wrong with us if we don't want it.

      Women should have the choice, and feminism has taken that away from us. Those few brave souls who are taking it back should not be ridiculed, they should be applauded.