But having him here has brought up a question for me. BD and I do not currently live together, and neither of us have kids. I have helped other people raise their kids, raised people's kids for them, and babysat my tail off....but have none of my own. So I have no frame of reference for adding kids into a lifestyle that is already set and is BDSM (or at the very least, D/s) oriented.
How have you made this transition? Are your kids aware of what is going on, or is it kept more subtle in front of them and the serious stuff reserved for private time? I can't imagine NOT saying "Yes, Sir", among other things, and wonder how this dynamic changes (or doesn't) when children come into the picture. BD and I do not restrict our lifestyle to our bedroom....this is a true life for us.
Thanks, everyone! As I think more and more about my life once I have married BD, these kinds of questions get stuck in my brain and I can't get them out!
TTWD and kids is much like sex and kids. You don't do either overtly in front of them as that would not be appropriate but kiss, a feel, innuendo, well those happen all the time (in my house anyways). One thing you have to remember is however you behave a child will accept as normal for you as they have limited examples for compare and also remember by and large they are much smarter than we think and no matter how hard you hide certain things they know.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your response, Sir J. I agree with you about them being much smarter than we think...I think that is part of what prompted me to ask this question. My nephew amazes me every day by how smart he is!
ReplyDeleteSo I guess what you are saying is that while things become more subtle once kids enter the picture, it is what it is, regardless of their presence. Is that an accurate summation?
(I had to remove this as a reply because for some reason I can't figure out how to change the color of the reply box or the color of the text in the reply box....so they are both black!)
yes it is what it is and as long as it is healthy for you it will be for the kids.
DeleteYour input and thoughts are always appreciated, Sir J. You have a wonderful way of expressing things. I truly enjoy hearing from you!
DeleteThank you!
I agree with Sir J. :) (as usual) I am fairly new to TTWD also and have 2 young kids. You just sort of learn how to be subtle. A look, a gesture, a touch and murmured word is/has to be enough. As long as you are happy, and that is shining through, kids will accept that. They don't need to know that Daddy controls Mommy (Or uncle with auntie..) and is truly 'the boss of the house' in every sense. But they do need to know that Mommy and Daddy love and treasure eachother, and that will show abundantly. More so than in quite a few of the 'conventional' relationships nowadays in my experience. Careful attention to how you relate to eachother so as not to be really obviously D/s is the key. They don't need to know that anymore than any of your other vanilla loved ones. Only that again you love and treasure one another.
ReplyDeleteWonderfully put, HisLilAngel! As someone who is "fairly new to TTWD", you seem to have a very firm grasp on aspects which are completely new to me (like this kid thing, lol!).
Delete"Only that again you love and treasure one another"...this is a great statement, and if you don't mind, I would like to use it as the basis of a future post!
I have been asking this question for a while. My wife is mostly vanilla but has always been willing to conform to some of my desires, but we have two children that are young. I have kept that part of myself away from them and my wife for over 5 years now and just started lightly asking about it again. She is scared that they will find out and a lot of other fears to go with it. I personally see it as we love eachother, we keep it to ourselves and wait until they are in bed and asleep before I am able to ask for anything. It works, and not a bad idea i think and i understand the concerns. I would treat it like anything else you dont want them to learn about yet, dont do it in front of them, dont just throw it out there and have a strong understanding of the rules when the children are around.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting, mojo!
DeleteSubtlety is the key, as you, Sir J, and HisLilAngel have all pointed out. The sexually oriented aspects of the lifestyle should be treated as any other sexually oriented behavior would when children are around, and the other aspects should logically be toned down, as well.
Children change our lives in so many ways, don't they? :-)