Welcome back to all of those who came!
I have been floating around in some forums today and have run across a disturbing trend in the “vanilla” world. It seems that a large number of non BDSM-ers are under the impression that being the submissive in a relationship means that you are somehow not equal in the partnership. So I feel that this post needs to address this issue. In a logical manner, I should probably write a post explaining the ins and outs of BDSM before I discuss the role of a submissive in a relationship, but after reading some of the comments I have seen today, I simply can’t put this off. I’ve climbed up on my soapbox, blog-world, so get ready to listen!
The question that seems the most prevalent is basically this: How can you be in a relationship with someone who dominates you and treats you as less than an equal and be happy with that?
First of all: This question in itself infuriates me from it’s first capital letter all the way down to it’s underwear! Less than equal??? My Dom, BD, has NEVER treated me as less than equal. Submission is not a synonym for “less than”! Simply because someone is different from you does not make them less than you, does it? This is one of the worst forms of prejudice in my opinion because it is not even recognized AS a prejudice! I am a wholehearted believer in equality, justice, honesty, and truth for every living being on the planet. For a number of those beings to believe that my worth as a human is somehow lowered because of my submission is simply appalling!
Well, the answer I gave in one forum really says it all:
“I am a submissive to my Dominant fiance. We have been together for almost ten years. Being submissive to him does not mean that he and I are not equal partners in our relationship. I know, for myself, that if we were not equal, we would not still be in a relationship and I would definitely not be intending to marry him! Submissive does not equal lower level. Outside of our relationship, in work, other friendships, my daily interactions, I am a fully independent, willful, decision making, care-giving, powerful female. I have been since I was around ten years old, due to circumstances in my life. My submission to him is a way of giving up all of that control and responsibility in a way that is safe for me and for those I care for. My mother passed away when I was 23 and I was in the position of having to raise my 13 year old sister and 10 year old brother. Had I given into my submissive side then, we would have all been in trouble. If I chose to be submissive in my working life, I would hate myself, my co-workers, and my bosses. Yet in submitting to him, I have a chance to enjoy being carefree and taken care of and cherished in a way that I have never been able to experience before. I have never completely submitted in any other relationship, because submission is also about trust…trusting someone enough to allow them to make decisions for you or to straighten out a mess you have made…truly knowing that they will do what is best for you without having to worry about being taken advantage of…and knowing that you don’t always have to have all the answers, solutions, or responsibility. If anyone ever said to him “you know, I think you and Cass are not equal in your relationship. I think she is lower on the totem pole than you are.”, first he would laugh at the absurdity of the comment, then he would get extremely angry on my behalf because someone honestly thought that I was somehow less than him simply because I submit to him in the bedroom and quite often in regular, everyday life.”
I sincerely hope that this has put this issue in perspective for those who previously had a lack of knowledge on the subject. I am an awe inspiring woman who has accomplished wonderful and amazing things all on her own…GIVING my submission to the one man who holds my heart should NEVER be considered a pall on who I am or what I have done.
I feel much better having gotten that out of my system!
As always, comments are welcome and appreciated! Have a great afternoon!
Cassaundra (with a collar!)