Friday, December 21, 2012

Submission and Responsibility...

I have been spending the last couple of days reading blogs and learning how others live this lifestyle.  While some of those people and I have a near identical vision of our lives, some don't.  And that's okay....

But I have noticed that perhaps I have a different outlook on what it means to be a sub than some other subs do....Some subs and their Doms believe that there is no responsibility on the part of the sub for any issue.  And that's fine, if they both feel that that is right for them...but it seems awfully hard on the Dom, in my opinion.  I do not in any way intend with this post to demean or otherwise criticize anyone else's choices or lifestyle, and I hope no one takes offense to anything said here, because it was not intentional.

I love BD and want him to be happy always....with life, with himself, and with me.  We both know that he will make mistakes in this journey, as will I.  But I don't understand the mindset that any mistakes that are made are his responsibility.  Now, if a mistake is made that he could have prevented or that truly IS his fault, then I have no problem with him taking the full Dom responsibility for that....but if I make a mistake or do something to bring sadness to him, that is not his fault and he should not feel badly for it.  Of course, being BD, he will anyway...he will feel that I made a wrong choice because he did not guide me sufficiently into making the right one....or that if I act out, perhaps it is because he is not giving me what I need....and in some cases, this is correct to a point....but it is also because I made the wrong choice or because I chose to act out instead of communicating (which, I have to say, I do regularly, for two reasons:  1. because sometimes it is hard for me, as a sub, to ask for something I is easier to act out and 2. because there is a brat in me who enjoys acting out...and BD loves her and likes to see her on occasion!)  There should be blame placed on me, as well.  

I have many responsibilities as a sub, in my opinion.  Many of those revolve around what I do and how I behave, both in public and in private, for BD, but they also include taking responsibility for the choices I make.  Many people outside this lifestyle believe that subs have no choices.  Maybe some don't.  I do and I feel I should take responsibility when those choices turn out badly...not just when all goes well.  After all, that's one of the things a good spanking is for, right?????  :-D

During my blog hopping, I found an amazing woman at an amazing blog and want to share something she wrote.  I asked her if I could link to it here, and luckily she said yes.  I did not, however, ask if I could post it here, so I am just going to link to her profile and her blog page.  It is called Submissive's Creed...and it is WONDERFUL!


The Submissive's Creed

I hope you all go and read it...again, it is wonderful!

Thanks for reading!

Cassaundra (with a collar!)


  1. I agree completely. We all have responsibility for our actions in our relationships...whether Dom or sub. We should each take responsibility for what we do or don't do, good and bad. That's how we grow and learn. Very well said!


  2. Thank you, DV. I love it when people agree with me! LOL!

    I was just having one of those days, and wanted to get that little bit of frustration out. I hate when I don't understand things, and I don't understand how people can live with the Dom taking the blame for things that are not truly his fault. I mean, hey, if that makes them both happy, more power to them...but I hate it when BD feels like he has failed me when in reality, I have failed him.

  3. Hi there... I've added you to my blogroll :)

    I hope you come visit me often too :)

    1. aw, thanks, Fondles! I definitely will! I've already been there this morning! :-D